writing that sucks

sakit hati setiap kali baca tulisan ini, ini adalah tulisan yang pacar saya tulis untuk mantan pacarnya Ria yang udah 5tahun dia pacarin, 

That night still don’t want go from my mind. That night when she told me all about her naïf perception.

is it true if we said that “With money we can buy a love ”, or is just another the material girl cheers up statement when the rich boyfriend dump her. And maybe the opposite statement more acceptable that “with love we can get a money”.

How can people totally change their way to think so fast . Is just six months ago I separate with her. But on that six months she can fully changes every thing , suddenly I feel don’t ever know about her at all. For five years I knew her, that I think have known about her, a beautiful women that I felt in love to.

For the first time after six month not have contact with her. Finally we meet again on romantic valentine night dinner, with warming candle light, in a corner table at a famous café in a town. At the beginning conversation it’s was good one conversation. We talking much about our activities right now. I heard her said about what is her life for, and what the target that have been set in her mind to do for time forward. And then we start to talking about our relationship. And we move to talking about our feeling at the moment. how can it be destroyed?.

And the emotion appears form both of us, we can still having bad ego that don’t want to being a guilty side. Actually for six months without on my side, i have been thinking so much, I realize the most mistake is from me ,and I realize that I must more understanding her. With glad feeling I guest she will back to my side and I promise to my self that I will never let go anymore.

Poorly it’s not just like I imagine. The situation is really complex for now. Yes she got a new her dream boyfriend. The foreign lover that very matching body and face with her is type I think. And her is family that have been hated me so much. Well it’s not a good condition I realize.

But that is not a point. The point is the under line sentence that I can forgot after I try hard to abandon it, when she become sweet again and told me that she will can’t to love any body else except me, suddenly ask me the unpredictable question.

The simple question with flat expression. First she want to know my perception about the important thing in a live. She ask me what the most important thing between love and money in a live. My mind was so blind still can’t catch what the reason she ask me about that naïf question.

Who give my cute lovely girl a poison perception about live. But I try to calm down and show her that I have been growing up, and I can think like a man.

With calm face I try explain that love still can be the most important thing, because with love we can fighting a live, and because love people still wake up in a morning to doing hard work just because they don’t want see their loved people can’t live because not have a money.

What I try to tell is love and money can’t being a competition. I think the love is a reason people to get money. Eventually love their self to having fancy car that their must get a money to buy it. Yes I said that love is still have higher level. And then we debate about it. Surprisingly the women that I belief that she must know about the existence love for alive choose money as the most important.

huh ?? I’m shock for heard just what she have been said. And For a moment I really can’t to say any word form my mouth. Truly speechless , the statement is totally break down my heart into thousand pieces. She said the argument that how can people eat with love. And how can people pay their credit card billing with love and so fort argument that I don’t want to remember have been out from her beautiful lips.

and the most horrible is when she told me that she does still loving me but with a heartbreaker question “if I back with you , could you promise to me that my future would be better?” again my heart down and break to another thousand pieces. I can promise to you that because I am loving you , I will do hard with all my best to fulfill all of yours live needed.

With sad eye I looking her face and badly still can’t refuse that I love you so much. No mater what you do to break down my heart and honestly is really hurt like can’t breath for a moment. I still forgive you and I will always accept you if someday you turn back to me.

And then I go after release missing feel with her, but with get another brand new hurt in my heart. But is doesn’t matter I still will always waiting the moment while she calling me and tell me “I want go back home to you”.

Go on girl catch your dream . and don’t forget to always rise your smile in facing a live.that smile that make me felt in love with you for the first time I saw you. I do happy if you got a happy. Hope no more tears will drop from your eyes just like you still with me.And I will always pray to god, praying you to got all of good things in yours new live. 

I love you girl honestly I do.